Cell phones are SO COOL!

Whenever I get lonely, I just click open my Lizzie McGuire talking phone, and Lizzie says, "MMmmphhhhgp ppmmmmmggphh mmm phhffnsd." A few short months ago, she would say, "you're SUCH a great friend!" and my heart would warm up and I would realize how much I am uh, friended in this world or something.

Alas, Lizzie's batteries are running down, causing the fairy-like jingling noises her phone makes when you open it to go off at random times. They also interrupt themselves to start over, so it sounds kind of like early 80s rap music when were just getting into skratching and sampling. It goes

jingle jingJingJingJingJing jingle JingJingJingle

for a while and then stops for a couple of days. Today, however, you can make out Lizzie's voice as she says touching things like "K.I.T.-- you know, 'keep in touch, OK?' bye." as well as philosophical ponderers like, "cell phones are SO COOL." However, when you punch the number buttons, instead of a cheery beeping, they make the sound of a tape deck just after someone has pulled the plug. On the tape whose plug was pulled was a recording of a dying goose.

Since this is a "camera" phone, you can "take pictures" with it. This means that when you push the big round button in the middle, it makes a camera shutter clicking noise, and the "flash" on the front (see picture, left) is supposed to flash. Alas, there will be no dirty fake-photos looking up women's skirts on the subway today, as the battery is dying.

My favorite feature of this phone is the fake battery pack (see picture, right). Doesn't it look like you should be able to open up the back and take out the battery by pressing down on the tab near the top? PSYCH! That's just there to *look* like a real cell phone's battery pack. The real battery is stored in a chamber beneath that panel; one that you need a tiny phillips-head screwdriver to open. Such attention to detail!

I stuck this phone in the front pocket of my purse after I found it lying face down in a muddy patch of ground in Allston last summer, and haven't remembered to remove it until now. Several times my real cell phone has rung (kept in an identical pocket next to the LizziePhone bearing one) and I have answered Lizzie's phone by accident. I kind of wish I had a hot pink and poison green cell phone. Well, I'm SUCH a good friend to Lizzie, maybe she'll give me one for my birthday, because after all, cell phones are SO COOL!